Being in Guangzhou didn't makes me feel relaxed or happy. On the contrary, I feel down and down. The memories of Maximilian's show on last night faded out. After the show ended, Yoyo and I walked back to the hotel. We talked about the tiresome life recently, the interests we share, the misery past of our parents. Everything became farawy and unreal. Listening her talking I usually became wordless.
Ultimately, we are different people, both of us can't uderstand each other very well rooting in our different home backgrounds. That's kind of reason I feel hard to explain some of my thoughts. But that's not a big deal. She is a great friend.
The path accessing to the graduate shool of BNU is very hard, especially I'm always pessimistic. Maybe that because I doubt American dream from bottom of my heart. That influenced by the complex guanxi in China although personal ability is all-important.
Yes...I have to adapt myself to the society, I have to take part in the competition. So I have to keep working hard or whatelse can I wait for?
Devoting myself to the movies, books and TOEFl is a comfort.
Talking about future Yoyo asked me if I really can give up my ambition, peacockery and care nothing about people's judgement and my parents' hope then do whatever I expect even trapped in poverty. I answered 'yes' but in fact I have no idea of the changes might happen. I have no trust in myself. Maybe I am a coward. I hate myself being like this. How can I become the person I hope if lacking in self-confidence and easily giving up?
Focus.Focus.Focus...
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