[Drawing] First Day

I trying to make a good picture to memorise a certain moment of my parents. But conversely this picture didn't satisfy me.

The vacation is short. I spend 2/3 of the holidays in studying English in Zhengzhou. Sometimes I doubt if I make a right dicision. But I know if I don't I would regret someday in the future. I can't just imagine my future and kept making plans but do nothing. I've no idea what things will be like in the days to come and I even can't make sure if I devote myself to the life I pursuied. What on earth do I care or look forward? I thought I was brave and steady but now I can't stop questioning myself if I really do what I planned. Maybe there's no plan at all. I changed them all the time. And I just imagine myself as a fighter. It seems I've already been prepared to fail.

The room my parents rent isn't that cold. I still try to adapt myself to the environment. Tomorrow my classes will begin and I don't know what will happen. Wish everything will be fine and just be exactly what I think.

[Drawing] Everybody Let's Dance

It's the best time! So everybody let's dance! Enjoy your golden age!

Maybe it's my criticism make me suffers. Some friends including my parents asked me why I just can't be optimistic. I really have no idea how to figure it out or response. I think criticism is a way to be independent. It's one of the many ways lead to freedom. I need focus. In fact plenty things I actually don't care even though some acts make me like a fighter that I'm not. I have a lot of things to do. I like simple life. So I just do what I can do and never lose hope.

[Drawing] Away From Ground

I can leave the ground by uplifting my legs when running almost every the other day. Although time past fast I can do a lot of times...It's really not all about working out.

I've read Chris Keane's Hot Property for several days but interrupted by final exam. Well, that's not the point. I've been writting my novel and I can learn plenty skills of writing screenplay just like memorize the rules. Or it's just like choosing a shortcut when doing a long-distance running even though Chris himself said the purpose of learning rules is to break them. He's the kind of man who still keep trying to find and sum up the rules then teach them to others just for pleasing the hollywood film producer and the market. All about profit...

As a matter of fact Chris is a hollywood man so what he teach is all about hollywood stuff. Movie is totally a product of hollywood in Chris' eyes. I won't suspect his love for movie and screenwriting but he just adapt himself to the system without any hesitation. I can define him as a well game player but a really fabulous screenwriter is a game creator who open a new world for screenwriting even totally new ways of expression of film.

[Drawing] Snowflake

I haven't seen snow for a long time, I don't know what to write for a long time. These snowflakes are all Chinese words. I know I only can wait for the inspiration when I can't write a word. These words just like snowflakes, beautiful and rare. So...I just need a little more patient.

I've been writing a novel based on my parents' love story for almost 2 months. I was constantly stuck in my confusion about what to write and why I write these stuff.

Maybe clearing my mind is the kernel for me. I just can't stop doubting and feel tired.